At a bar in Columbus, Ga. the live entertainment 
had to cancel one Friday night. The musician's 
manager was very disturbed. He knew that
people paid a hefty cover just to hear this guy 
sing. At about 9:00 I went up to the bar to get 
another beer and I saw this manager fella'
chain-smokin' Salem Lights. I said, "Good buddy,
what time is the show going to start?" He said, 
"Friend, there might not be a show. I just don't
know what to do." 

I told this guy to step up on 
stage and tell these folks something or he was 
going to have a riot on his hands. Well, he got up
there and told everybody that the musician wasn't 
going to be able to play. Well, this guy is so 
popular in Columbus that everyone was just
stunned; a hush just fell over the crowd. 

After a few minutes of silence this wormy looking 
guy stood up and hollered, "Hey! I can pick a little
bit. Mind if I come up and scrub a couple off?" 
This manager said, Uh..sure thing pal, come on up 
here." Well, wormy got up there and strapped on 
the guitar and said into the mic, "Thank you 
kindly. This one is an original I wrote, I call 
it 'Pulling a Greasy String Out of a Cat's Butt." 

The crowd drew back a little, as you might imagine, 
but he started picking and it was some of the most 
unbelievable music you've ever heard. He got a 
standing ovation it was so good! The wormy musician 
said, "Thank you kindly, this next one is another 
original, I call it "Your Memory Haunts Me Like 
a Big Ol' Puss-filled Boil in the Crack of My Ass'." 
Again, the crowd winced but he scrubbed off a ballad 
that was so beautiful that women were gasping for 
air. 

He said, "Thank you kindly, this next one is another 
original, called 'I Love You Like a Big Ol' 
Green-haired Fly on a Fresh, Steamin' Pile of Dog Crap'." 
The crowd backed up and made ugly faces but Wormy 
ripped off a ballad even more beautiful than the last 
one! 

Women were fainting in the aisles and grown men were 
breaking down in tears. About this time, Wormy 
motioned for that manager and said, "Any way I can 
take five minutes to heed the call?" 

"Sure thing, good buddy," the manager replied happily. 
"When you come back, you can play all you want but do 
me a favor... how 'bout not announcing the names of 
the songs before you play them. The crowd is sorta 
wincing 'cuz of 'em. 

Wormy looked at him and replied, "No problem. I got 
ya' big guy!" 

He came back out of the can five minutes later and 
it immediately became painfully obvious that he had 
forgotten to zip up his pants. He was hanging out in 
the breeze, if you know what I mean. 

Well he got up on stage and this drunk redneck stood 
up in the back and hollered, "Hey! D'ya know your 
pants is unzipped and your dick is hanging out?" 

Wormy grinned his reply, "Know it? Hell I wrote it!!!"