Taoism:         Shit happens.
Confucianism:   Confucius says, shit happens.
Buddhism:       If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen:            What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism:       This shit happened before.
Islam:          If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism:  Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism:    If shit happens, you deserve it.
Judaism:        Why does this shit always happen to us?
Atheism:        I don't believe this shit.
Agnosticism:    What is this shit?